Thursday, February 2, 2012

Toddlers and Tiaras: luckiest babies in the world

I watch a lot of reality tv and I think it's all gross and stunts and I love it anyway.  But I stumbled on this show the other night and it really spoke to me.  Has anyone seen this?  It's about babies who convince their parents to let them do pageants.  And so these parents, because they only care about their babies happiness, sacrifice everything so that these kids can fulfill their dreams of winning Grand Supreme.  And then all these kids do is cry and whine and act like they'd rather be home watching Sprout.  So ungrateful!  They have no idea how lucky they are and I feel like they could use some straight talk.  This is going to seem harsh but they can't be coddled forever.

Sami Jo (18 months)

Sami Jo, I know you are a baby.  Yeah, I get it.  But seriously what is with the crawling on the floor during Beauty? Why do you want to punish your mother like that?  All she does is love you.  And by the way, your mom was right.  You were "horrible" at Beauty.  If that stings, I hope it just motivates you.  We all know what you can be if you just apply yourself.

Alexis (4 years)

Alexis, I didn't notice until your mom pointed it out but you do have "really small and closed eyes" so suck it up and wear those fake lashes.  However, I love that hot dogs are your favorite food.  They are mine as well and so you are my Grand Supreme favorite so far!

Sami Jo

Ugh.  Sami Jo you were such a bitch after Beauty.  Can you not go one day without a morning and afternoon nap?  Thank God your mom had some "special juice" (Red Bull and whip its) to get you pumped for Fancy Wear.  Alas, you didn't do any of your "moves".  WTF Sami Jo?  You are really going to have to bring it for Talent.  (Didn't).


Hmm.  Alexis, I don't know about your "Cleo Patrick" portrayal for Fancy Wear.  Having your "slabes" carry you out on a daybed made me uncomfortable.  That being said, your robot during Talent was legit.

Girls!  Yes, this is a tough business.  But it's the choice you made.  So when you feel like you couldn't possibly take one more sip of Mountain Dew and all you want is your Nuk and blankie, keep in mind my motto:  try harder, run faster, be better at everything.  Your parents deserve it.



  1. These mothers are extraordinary... giving their daughters such amazing life lessons at such a young age. Education? Pshaw. Personality? Blah, blah, blah. It's never too early to learn that the only thing that is truly important is the way you look.


  2. Alexis doesn't have small eyes, she just needs to lay off the ho hos. I feel for the slabes that had to carry her. Yikes.


  3. Noods, the way you look, obvs. But also, winning! If you are the cutest thing in the land but you don't take home a grand are dead to me.

  4. I think Chubby Cheeks with the pink dress might be Eden Wood. She has already written her memoirs and does mall tours like Tiffany. Her mom's a piece of work. Yes, I watch it. I'm so ashamed, but I can't look away.

    Someone pinned your blog with the photo of the Snowmass hottie and I'm enjoying it!

    1. Caroline,

      You are an Aquarius, so am I. This gives me joy.


  5. Hi Caroline! I think you might be right, they all look the same to me when they are in Fancy Wear. Thanks for checking out Superdum and especially thanks for commenting!