Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Why not? WENsdays

So I ordered WEN the conditioning cleanser that Alyssa Milano hocks and everything they say about it is true.  I'm a WEN girl now and I don't care if that is the gayest thing I could say, I would shout it from the rooftops.

The first time I used WEN (yes I'm going to keep saying WEN) I just rough dried my hair (I don't know how to use the round brush like fancy people) and immediately got comments like "Oh really?  A blow dry for a swim meet?" and "Did you just get your hair done?  Must be nice." (My friends are mean).  It's that good though!  Smooth, no frizz.  I'm going to warn that it is counter intuitive as it feels like you are rubbing conditioner into your scalp - like the opposite of cleaning it - but push past that and you will be amazed.



Thursday, August 21, 2014

Conversations in Crazytown

Lulu:  Maisy can I have a bagel?

Maisy:  What's the magic word?

Lulu:  Lotion.

Lulu gets her bagel.

Jack:  Maisy may I also lotion have a bagel please?

Jack gets his bagel.

Me:  The magic word is lotion?

Them:  Yeah.


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

So tat happened

I always figured if I ever got a tattoo it would be late one night in Hong Kong or Amsterdam or someplace foreign and slightly dangerous and I would wake up with a dragon on my back but not even realize it until the next summer when my roommate spotted it while we were laying out on the lawn.

I certainly didn't expect to get a babysitter to watch my kids for the afternoon so I could head to Tattooville in Deal with two other forty-something housewives.  No I did not.  But that's what happened.

It took 2 minutes, cost $60 (always remember to tip your tattoo artist!) and hurt like a mother.  But I love the little guy.


Friday, August 15, 2014

I will not sleep until you call me

So Katie is going on a date with a fellow she met on the set of Nashville.  He wants to take her "hiking" at 5pm tonight in the woods somewhere in Tennessee.  This all makes me very anxious.  Plus he said just wear flip flops, it's an easy hike.  Here is what that says to me.  If you are wearing flip flops and I have on hiking boots I can catch you when you are running away from me.

Maybe I watch too much IDtv but I don't like the smell of this at all.

Bring a taser, Kate.


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Fall Fashion Faux Pas

I'm watching GMA and they are discussing what is new for fall.... here was the line up:


Track Pants

Patch Work Jeans

You could not have summed up my triple threat fashion nightmare any better.  These items are all opposite day of anything that works on my body. One of the most irritating things (aside from the obvious things), is that Kristen will rock all of these looks whilst looking like she isn't trying and totally cool.  I'll look like a clown.

The good news is I can stop dieting. Culottes lend themselves to hiding unsightly thighs and track pants with heels might camouflage my Kardashian butt.  Patch work jeans...really? PATCH WORK JEANS?  Oof.

Thanks for the heads up GMA.  Good luck out there everyone.


Monday, August 11, 2014

Summer car

I don't know about you but I am just limping along trying to make it until school starts.  My house is in shambles.  Piles of laundry.  Unread emails.  Unpaid bills.  Etc.  But the real story of my summer is on the floor of my car.  Here is the inventory.

300 pieces of popcorn
Ten coffee mugs
Two Blackberry chargers (I have an iPhone)
Two half eaten bags of cotton candy
Nine dirty beach towels
Three sets of tennis whites
Forty half full bottles of water
A trucker hat that says I LOVE TO SURF
A Bean bag with a platter, paper towels and parmesan cheese from two Sundays ago
Two undelivered birthday presents
Twelve items of clothing that don't belong to our family
Four McDonalds happy meal toys
A swim cap
My soul