Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Welcome Warning

 There are some warning labels that are just annoying or overkill, I rarely even notice them or read them.  For some reason, when I made reservations to go to Employees Only in New York, I looked at the menus online and saw this at the bottom:

I've never worried about eating things raw or uncooked in my life.  For some reason this struck me.  When something jumps out at you....heed the advice.

Unfortunately, I had the "made tableside" tartare with a raw egg on top.  Not many hours later, I like Dummy in Barthelona (for Rick),  had full blown twirlies.  I don't know if any of you have ever had food is VIOLENT.  One has to stay actively seated on the toilet whilst filling trash cans with Gatorade you can't keep down.

The upside:  I lost 5 lbs that didn't come back.  In fact, I am down 8lbs now.

Thank you Employees Only.  You jump started my diet.


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Travel Tuesdays: Rx

Vegas, 2012
The summer of my junior year in college I took a little European backpack trip.  At the last minute my mom gave me some Immodium to pack and at the time I thought it was silly.  Cut to me in a shared bathroom of a cheap hotel in Barthelona* with a gunshot case of the twirlies.  I thought I would die right there on the dirty tile floor.  Then I remembered the Immodium.  I crawled back to my room and took two.  When I say that stuff saved my life that night I am not being dramatic.  Which brings me to the Never Ever Travel Without list.  Mine is short.

Immodium.  See above.
Advil.  Seems obvious but I have probably spent hundreds at airports and hotel shops on this stuff and on a recent girls trip to Miami I was the only one carrying.  My stash lasted a day and a half.  Why does everyone forget Advil?
Gas X.  Also saved me in Vail one summer.  I almost jumped out of a moving car to make the pain stop.  When you feel like someone is stabbing you in the back take Gas X.
Pepcid ac.  Saved me in Turks and Caicos when I thought I had a bleeding spleen tumor (I saw a doctor and everything) but I really just had a bad tummy.
Calcium, Magnesium and Vitamin D.  Sometimes I have trouble sleeping when I'm traveling.  Whether it is the time change or adrenaline or the pressure to get extra sleep.  Who knows.  But this magical cocktail from my acupuncturist sorts me out.  Also Melatonin for that extra punch to the face that is insomnia.

The thing is I almost never need any of this in my regular life.  And its prob all expired.  But I fear pack it anyway.  Am I missing anything?  Except maybe I shouldn't travel?


*That's for you, Rick

Monday, February 24, 2014

One Isn't the Loneliest Number

My sister Amy came home, got in bed at the end of a hideous day and said,

"Dear Lord, thank you for my bed and that I don't have to share it with a man that would judge me for the time I spend in it."

Well said sister...well said.



Dog rights

Growing up we always had dogs.  And I never had a problem demanding things from them.  Love, affection, obedience.  But now that we have one of our own I feel kind of guilty for putting all of my dog love needs on him.  Like maybe I'm taking advantage of the fact that I'm the human and the boss of him.  For example I will wake him up to snuggle.  Or I will make him sit for a hug when he just wants to play.  I have been known to hold him bodily in my lap until he gives up trying to get away.  And I'm getting a read that he doesn't enjoy this lovefest as much as I do.  Do I back off?  Or do I love on him until he bites me?  Am I breaking his spirit with my neediness?


Friday, February 21, 2014

Does this upset you? It upsets me.

In my quest to become less sarcastic and more earnest like my friend Wendy who's humor and straightforwardness I admire greatly, I did not call this post "Wow how did you fit all of those dishes in there? #superefficient #skills"

I am obsessed with organization and efficiency.  I want to know the best place to put the wooden spoon or the cheese grater or the guest bedding.  I want to know how to store my Halloween decorations so I can find them next year.  Or where to put my marriage license.  I think about this stuff all. The. Time.  And the sad bit is that I am HORRIBLE at it.  I will order twelve different sized storage bins and then get paralyzed by my options and end up putting everything in Hefty bags.  When I got my P-Touch (the universal symbol for anal retentive) I thought it made sense to put it in my china cabinet (?) and then couldn't find it for six months.  I will look for a copy of my living will and instead find every utility bill from 2003.  And so on.

I just have backwards-itis when it comes to organization and it kills me.  But even I know that this is the worst possible way you could load that dishwasher.


PS.  I took them all out and reloaded approx thirty more dirty things.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Don't hate me because I look like I hate you

I don't know what it says about me that I think about my facial expression when I am out in public.  That I want to appear pleasant and easy going and approachable.  I'm not super out going but I am friendly and it occurs to me that if I won't make eye contact with people at least I can look like I would be nice to you if you said hello.  Because I would!

Anyway I have a friend who is the sweetest thing on the planet but she always has Bitchy Resting Face* and people who don't know her just assume she is a grumpy hater.  And I have defended her on a number of occasions because it's something that people notice and mention to me.  That is just how her face looks, I say.  She is as sweet as the day is long.

Do I tell her?  I think that would just make her self conscious..?


*Maisy has it too

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Morgan sister silliness

For those of you who are not friends with Katie on Facebook (are there people who aren't?) this is what she has been up to while I've been diligently writing posts.

See what I did there?  I got her to do a post without actually doing one.


Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Pears or no pears? A pressing matter

I am struggling trying to decide between two wallpapers for this little breakfast nook/desk area in the house.  My family is no help as they are divided exactly in half in their opinions.  So I'm looking for some other voices.  The paper is Woods by Cole and Son and one is just woods and the other is woods with metallic gold pears hanging off.  I like the graphic-ness of the just woods but I also like the touch of fancy glamour of the pears.

I am completely stuck.  Can anyone help me with this or do I toss a coin and hope for the best?


Monday, February 17, 2014

Whatever happened to school?

I'm from California where we went to school five days a week every week from September until June.  We had a week off for Christmas Vacation (oops I said Christmas!) and a week off for Easter Vacation (oh no now I'm really busted) and that was it.  I do think there was a President's Day.  But that's it!  That was all.

Today is day ten of no school with the exception of last Wednesday.  Between snow days and President's Day and half days and delayed openings and Winter Break (WTF is this for??) my kids haven't had a full week of school since before Thanksgiving.  They are all going to need to repeat a grade.

Sometimes kids should go to school.


Thursday, February 6, 2014

Hot tip of the week/Gooperdum

I don't consider myself a bossy person.  I think I've only yelled once on this blog.  About mammograms.  But if you live where it snows you need to buy these boots.  I have done the research (read: bought lots of other boots) and I can tell you that the search has ended for the perfect pair of snow boots.  My journey began here...

The Ugg boot

Acquired in California (where they were worn with cutoffs and a bikini top, duh) and perfectly cozy unless it's wet.  If it's wet you are wearing sponges on your feet.

Next up...

The wellie

Acquired in London and great for rainy days but no insulation and the knee length makes them tricky with anything but a skinny jean or leggings.

So we went to...

The shearling lined lace up Sorel

In theory the perfect boot.  Cozy and sturdy and ankle length.  In reality they are clown shoes.

Maybe the classic Bean boot is the answer?

Close but tying laces is a pain when you are running in and out of the house thirty times a day (we have a puppy).

Which brings us to...

The Thinsulate lined Sorel pull on boot!

It has everything!  Easy access, cozy lining, waterproof, ankle length, midget bowling, Chilean huffers, lug suits...

Gwyneth Stefon Kristen

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Are you gonna shave tonight?

photo from Bravotv

This is for real how my kids sing the hit song "Are You Going To Stay The Night".  (Hit song makes me laugh.)  And my answer is a firm no because I was just waxed.  Brazilian too.  That's right.

So, there I was.  Naked from the waist down.  Clammy (pun intended).  Getting ready for the wax lady to rip my hair out by the root.  And I'm no rookie.  I've been down this road.  Which is why I think I would be an awesome waxer.  You have to experience it to really understand how you as a waxer can help or hurt the process.  For example they should always pull the skin taut.  Also, just rip once, don't tug tug tug.  After the first strip I asked my lady if she had ever been waxed.  Because I already knew the answer.  No!  No!  She doesn't wax which makes her the worst waxer ever.  I'm going to stop saying waxer now.  Except for this.  I think waxers should be required to be waxed as part of their training.  Waxers.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Baby it's cold outside, let's kill our marriage

Remember that time when there was an ice storm and we had a key party?  No, you don't because that shit is crazy. Who ever thought that key parties were just the thing?  Did someone say, "Hey, why don't you hook up with my best friend and I'll hook up with that dude from around the corner and it will be super funny"???  I don't even want to play that in a game of Would You Ever.  If you ever would you best keep that to yourself.  Why not just call it I want to divorce you very soon.

Today there's like eight feet of snow where I live.  Polar vortex and all that nonsense.  And now you know what I haven't been up to.


PS This is an alarming example of the influence Hollywood has over my perceptions - as soon as the temps drop below freezing I assume everyone is wife swapping.  You could show me pictures of neighbor friends in bed together with a date stamp of July and I would not believe it.  Photoshopped!  But come winter, everyone is jumping into bed together.  Of course they are, I say to myself, it's very very cold.  And I saw the movie.