Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 you were a thug

I never knew you could have an actual relationship with a year until 2012 came up and bitch slapped me.  I was pissed and ready to fight but the next thing I knew I was on the floor in the fetal getting my organs kicked by steel toe boots.  And here is what I take away from this twelve month hate fest.  Gratitude.  It came out of nowhere.  Feeling so sad and broken down and violated by the events of this year has really made me find the grateful in so many things.  And I don't want to give 2012 the credit but as a result of our abusive relationship I am actually more in touch with what I know to be important and true and awesome.  So suck it 2012.  I win!  Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way to infamy.


Saturday, December 29, 2012

Living In Limbo

With the wrap up of "Homeland" and "Dexter",  I haven't a clue what to do with myself.  I thought I would just be in hell until season 2 of "Girls" premieres.  Then my sister Amy introduced me to MURDER TV.  It's actually really called ID.  (Investigation Discovery)

This is 24/7 murder.  It's awesome.

Most of the time people murder for money because their husbands bug them and they'd like the life insurance payoff.  The other reason is because they are shagging someone else and their husbands or wives are just in the way.  Or they are kinda jealous about something.

Regardless, I'm always baffled at what dummies they are. (and not in a good way...dumb with a b)  Any knucklehead knows you have to wear latex gloves and get rid of the body.  Usually, if there is no body you can get away with it.

I'm pretty sure after being faithful to Dexter, CSI and now ID tv, I could pull it off.

It's too bad I love everybody.


Friday, December 14, 2012

So I just

Had a talk with my nine year old about respect because her babysitter said she was "challenging".
Gave my five year old two cups of water even though I know he will wake up and need to pee.
Got them to bed at 9 something hoping the lateness doesn't bite me in ass tomorrow.
Tried to catch my breath before crumbling in front of them.

This tragedy in Connecticut.  My heart is breaking.  It's too much.


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Juan Carlos Has a New Bodyguard

My darling nephew is a big, studly, football playing Midwest young man.  From what I've heard, he can tackle like a mack truck so I find it a lovely surprise that he loves Juan Carlos.  He takes care of him, holds him, protects him while the resident dog( Tootsie) gets pissed.

JC loves Jed as well.  I think he can sense that he has a true ally in this gentle giant of a guy.


p.s. J. Carlos looks like he dropped X because I used the red eye button on my iphone.  I swear my dog is not rolling on E

Sometimes people move

So Katie has taken a break from her life in LA and has moved to Tulsa (no, it's not in Arizona.  You're thinking of Tucson).  When we met 20 years ago she lived in Hollywood, fresh(ish) from New York.  Then it was Idaho, then San Francisco, then back to her hometown in Kansas.  Then Marina del Rey for a good stint and then...Australia.  Back to LA.  Why not Tulsa?  She assures me there will be hijinks galore, I can't wait to hear.  Especially because she is staying with her sister Amy and I don't like to say people are funny because in some cultures that's offensive but Amy is for real one funny mo fo.  I'm expecting some good material.  No presh.

Oklahoma, OK!  When can I come for a visit?  Are there direct flights?  It's the midwest, yes?


(Also excited that the time diff is only one hour instead of three.  So now we will be mutually unavailable to speak to each other on the phone, as opposed to our previous situation which is Katie can only talk when I am picking up my kids from school or putting them to bed and I can only talk when she's asleep or on her way to dinner.)

Monday, December 10, 2012

Jesus 5.0

You may or may not know that I'm not a very religious person.  I'm open to what anyone believes. (i.e. God, Jesus, Allah, Mohamed, Joseph Smith....whatevs)  And I absolutely  believe that they believe.  I also believe that whenever you get a group of people together on the same page in one room, it can be powerful.


Yesterday was my first Sunday in Oklahoma and this is a God-Fearing state.  Part of my deal with staying with my sister is attending church every Sunday.  She took me to Lifechurch.

Now, I don't know what the house of God was like when you all grew up, but this was a trip.  You are greeted with snacks, iced tea stations, coffee stations, cocoa, etc.  It feels like a concert or movie theater.  The building is an acoustically perfect warehouse with rockstar lighting and the band was off the hook.  Huge drum set with a 5 ft drum panel, a 5 string bass, 2 electric guitars, 1 acoustic guitar, keyboards , 2-3 back up singers at a time and 1 lead vocalist.  And again, the mix was outstanding.  Someone put a lot of time and dollars into this joint.  Here is the kicker.....the pastor is fed in digitally!  So, he simultaneously preaches to something like 15 different "campuses" at a time!  This is a damn good time to be a pastor.  They also make tithing available via your iphone or online. 

Jesus has gone digital.


Friday, December 7, 2012

Death By Pool Boy

 I was almost killed this morning.  Thankfully he didn't see me.


When retro isn't cool

I have many natural gifts (parallel parking, near perfect balance, long nail beds) but I have been forced to admit that I cannot dress myself for sport.  Everything I own is high school gym issue circa 1987.  I'm like something out of the Royal Tenenbaums.  And I have tried to shop at Lulu Lemon (with my gift card from last Christmas) but I always feel like the newfangled athletic gear is laughing at me. Like it knows somehow that I haven't strapped on a pair of trainers since I was a teen.  I am stumped.  How do other ladies make sporty look so spice?  Why can't it be like that for me?  Where is my retainer??


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Smells like shame

My daughter had her First Reconciliation the other night.  For those of you who don't know, it's when you confess your sins to the priest and he gives you penance and you are absolved.  We were on our way to the dress rehearsal the day before when I asked her what she was going to say when the lights were on and the house was packed (no pressure) and here is how that went:

Me:  Can you think of anything you feel bad about?

Her:  Mmm...not really.

Me:  Well....did you tell a lie?

Her:  Oh, yeah!  I lie all the time!

Okay.  So you are all set then.