Thursday, August 30, 2012

Make it a Double. I love you TLC

Although TLC can't take responsibility for this fascinating new twist in Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, I do see an opportunity here. 

Maybe Baby Caitlin's thumbs can have their own show?  Or her thumbs could team up with Steve Oedekerk and do their own version of an Abby and Brittany Spin off?

Thoughts (besides that I am going to hell)?


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Fall Plans: Morph into a Woman

After Kristen made a daring list of her fall must-haves, I decided my fall fashion goal was simply to be a little more put together (no yoga pants or pajama bottoms) before walking out the door.  Although I managed to wear cute shorts AND a belt to take Abby to her first day of 3rd grade, no form of a brush touched my teeth or hair.  How am I doing?


Single White Female called...

You may recall Dum posting that Noods and I had become "Barb".   Well, I've done one better.  Noods has this great Alice & Olivia dress:

When we recently went to a massive Saks sale, I bought this:

(Also Alice & Olivia)

Today, I asked her what jewelry she wore with hers, she sent me this photo:

I asked her where she got them...she told me Anthropologie.  Well, since I'm in NYC and can't borrow hers, I bought these:

No, I'm not kidding.  And this purchase was made on the heels of having my hair highlighted by Ezzy at Devachan that you know who uses and turned me on to.

Do you think I should move into her house, try to murder her and see if Rob notices?

Sounds like a good plan to me.


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I'll eat when I'm hungry, thanks.

Eating by the clock happens to be a GIANT pet peeve of mine.  But two weeks of family vacay at the Lake made me eat like a linebacker after a Monday night game.  We woke up to the smell of something frying every single day.  And before the breakfast dishes were done, we would have a lengthy discussion on what we were going to do for lunch.  Seriously?  Did we need lunch?  We had just eaten pancakes, eggs, cheesy potato casserole and bacon... at 10am.  We couldn't possibly have been hungry for lunch.

Again after lunch the favorite topic was what to do for dinner.  Should we try the new restaurant in town?  Or grill by the water?  Because if we didn't eat again by 6pm, we might parish?  (None of us were in danger of withering away by skipping a meal... or 10).  We didn't look at our watches to see when it was time to pee.  Why did we look at them to see when it was time to eat?



People...TONIGHT is the night. 

It's Abby and Brittany night!

I forgot to set my tivo. Someone please record it for me.

Your welcome again.


Airplane Movie Reviews: Installment number 1

LAX to JFK, flight #32.  Flight duration: 5.5 hours.

Films viewed:
- Battleship
-The Lucky One

Easily two of the worst films I have ever seen.  Let's break them down (not difficult)


In the name of being positive, I'll start with the parts I liked:
-The :30 that Peter Berg was on the screen
-Looking at Alexander Skarsgard (except I missed his fangs)

Aside from those points, I'm pretty sure the producers passed out bad acting pills and made everyone take them.  And the script? Seriously?  The Friday Night Lights guy needs to stick with Friday night lights.  Anyway, thank you Rhianna  for making it semi bearable.

Final Grade: C-

Now, The Lucky One:

Again, in the name of being positive, I'll start with the parts I liked:
- The dog
-Blythe Danner

All of the dogs ruled this film

Dogs aside, I think the chances of Zac Efron being a marine are zero out of zero.  And Taylor Schilling, while darling, somehow reads as his mother.  I have to be honest, I fast forwarded about 30-40 minutes of this film because I had to be sure the dog lived.

Final grade:  D


Friday, August 24, 2012

Fall plans: morph into a man

After a full on lull in my interest in fashion (I bought flip flops this summer but only because mine broke) I suddenly got a hint of my mojo back for Fall.  Here's my wish list.

Leather pants
Boys oxford shirts
Wedge sneakers
Pea coat
Bright floppy clutch
Fisherman's sweaters

To be worn with existing scarves, knit hats and Warby Parkers.

I call this look "Iggy Pop and Harry Potter had a baby and it is a total poseur" chic.  You always have to put chic at the end or it's not a real look.

What's everyone else thinking for Fall?  I feel like I'm missing something.*


* And don't say a vagina because I already said that to myself.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Like Mother Like Daughter

This is Dolly, she is 13.5 years old and she is a genius. Today she was diagnosed with having a Vestibular Insult.  (human speak, dog vertigo)  It basically makes her feel like me after happy hour.  She walks in circles with her head cockeyed, lists and tumbles over.  Although I'm familiar with this behavior in myself, it's alarming to see it in someone you love....who hasn't had four martinis.

I'm trying to just get her to take up drinking, but she won't go harder than water.

Oh well, at least we'll be on the same page every day around 8pm.

I love you Dolly.  You are my girl.


Monday, August 20, 2012

Wow, I hope it all fits in the car

I can't get out of Target for under $200 but at least I always have a trunkload of crap to show for it.  My recent trip to the pharmacy was far less satisfying.  This bag represents one hundred and thirty four dollars.  And when I empty it out I will be like yes, totally worth it.  It just looks so unfulfilling in this wee bag.


Saturday, August 18, 2012

Too close to home

This summer I went to a party in a dress that was really loose and flowy on the top.  No bra.  I accidentally flashed at least 15 people while house dancing.  And I'm still embarrassed for Lindsay.


You're drunk

This app called Don't Dial! lets you block yourself from sending or receiving texts or calls from a certain contact.  And it yells at you if you try.

My friend found it and started using it after too many late night (not nec. drunken) text fests with a guy of interest.  So smart!  I plan to use it to block myself from any communication with my friends after 10pm.  Get some sleep.


Friday, August 17, 2012

TLC Can't stop outdoing itself

Just as I was starting to relax into Honey Boo Boo, they did a promo for "Abby and Brittany".

There is nothing I can even say about this.....except it premieres August 28th.

You are welcome.


Thursday, August 16, 2012

So Dum

If you would like your very own Honey Boo Boo Ringtone, click here


Non voyage! Destination: our house

When we moved to the Jersey Shore almost five years ago there was some confusion regarding vacations.  Me: "So, where should we go next summer?"  Husband: "Um, to the beach.  That's why we live here."  But, I was thinking if I live here then how is staying here all summer a vacation to me?  I think of vacation as being somewhere I don'

So when my brother and I started making plans to get our families together for a week every summer (they live in San Francisco) I was so on board.  For the last five years we have rented houses in random places.  Vacation!

This year we revisited my husbands original thought and decided to vacay at our own house.  And, even though I like to get away in the summer I have to call it a success.  Besides the mail piling up in the box (I'm on vacation so can't take it out) it was surprisingly very relaxing.

Love you Darwin's (and the Shore you're pretty sweet too.),

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

These shades have been getting a lot of play

While talking to my friend Vicki about our mutual love of aviators she revealed that one of her staples for the summer months is a cheap pair from CVS.  She buys them in multiples because sunglasses get so beat up in the summer.  She had bought out the supply at the pharmacy so I skeptically checked out the selection at my local super market and found these bad boys for $14.99.  I now have two pairs and they keep turning up in this summer's pics.  Because, for one, they look rad on everyone.

And also the blue tinted mirror lenses just make people want to stage photos.

So, get out there, troll your local Walgreens, Stop and Shop, Wawa.  I've saved buckets toward Fall/Winter accessories...


Sorry about the nose in the last pic.  Oh, and also the cheek stubble (I'm going to call that sand).  My vanity is dormant.


Missing: Dum and Dummer
Last seen: 8/4/2012

Dummer was last seen wearing a pair of Chinese knock off Choos.  Pretty sure Dum was last seen on my Face Time with no pants on.

If you have any information on their whereabouts, please email us at

Thank you.


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Triple Murder

There are three films, that in their truth, slay me.

1. Terms of Endearment- There may never have been a more honest film when it comes to a study on relationships and humanity.  And seriously?  Are there even actors this good anymore?  Even the friggin' kids were ridiculous amazing.

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-Who doesn't want to just zap away the memories of someone when their heart is broken?  I loved  the message that no matter what life brought or how intentionally they tried to erase a certain someone,  those people will always find each other over and over again.  It makes me feel all oogy and hopeful inside. (how dumb am I?) p.s. how was that for a run on?

3.The Kings Speech-  The sweet vulnerability shown through Colin Firth is so moving.  These are just human beings that happen to be spat out the cooches of royal twats.  They are not superior in any other arenas than money.  It is nice to see an underdog prevail....even in the bizarre world of the Monarchy.

After watching all three of these films over the course of one week, I was hideously depressed, but in a fun way.

Please re-visit them!


Monday, August 13, 2012

The Original Hot Gingers

Prince Harry is all sexy, running around like he is the hottest Ginge in all the land.  But have we all forgotten who really brought sexy to the Red-Haired male community?

A moment for Queens of the Stone age's Josh Homme please:

As well as STP's pre-heroin Scott Weiland:

I love you Red Hot Gingers.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

Honey Boo Boo gets her thunder stolen!

FINALLY, the much anticipated "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" premiered on  Wednesday night.  Although Alana is an absolute trailer park delight, I fell in love with someone else.


When she ripped a big one for the opener, I knew I'd be hooked.  With a constant barrage of GIRD, IBS and wheezing symptoms, she is the jolliest, chubbiest Pizza the Hut type creature I have ever seen.  After my first two episodes, I was compelled to eat a box of twinkies, wash them down with a case of Mountain Dew, get my IUD taken out and get knocked up.

Finally a Mentor I can get behind. She didn't need to dolla to make me holla!


I've been officially Knighted

Brian McKnight-ed! 

Just prior to  Scarface slamming his obnoxious Range Rover into my car, (backing up in traffic)
I had just been to the Hollywood Bowl.

In addition to all the cool Duke Ellington swing, they had the ultimate sex bomb Brian McKnight come on.  I swear when he sang "Back at One", I almost cried.  Oh, and the seats didn't suck either:
 Thank you Jane and Chester Semel!


p.s. so you really understand the hotness, I'm attaching another photo of Sex McKnight.
And trust me that you should watch the link I attached.  He is insane

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

No One is Buying It

Newsroom is a new, fun and exciting series on HBO.  Well done Senor Sorkin.  However.  This is your "Dagney Taggart Jr. ???!":
Stand down sir.  No offense...but...she is neither interesting nor hot.  I wouldn't tap that.  Then we come to the fact that she is choosing him:
over him:
NOT effing likely.

The only person to try to nude up in this series is him:
Who wouldn't want to wiggle around with some vintage Nick Carraway?


Saturday, August 4, 2012

Me go pee pee in your Coke

I am a shoe junkie... an unapologetic slave to the masterpieces of Choo, Prada, Blahnik and Dolce.  When I got married, my custom-made Blahniks cost more than my NYC rent (insert expletive).  So it is no surprise that I fell in love with these:

However, it was quite a surprise after I placed the online order and the shoes on the right arrived:

WTF?  They actually have a plastic sole and bedazzled, glued-on rhinestones.  After wasting my time with phone calls that led to non-English speaking nowhere, I had to admit that I had been had by a fake Choo / Chinese online spinster.

Bad joke Mr. Chinese businessman... bad joke.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

New Yorkers take note

Georgetown Cupcake is on Mercer between Spring and Prince.  If you haven't gone there yet, you haven't had a true cupcake.

Eat every kind.
Don't weigh yourself after.