Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Mind Your Manners Monday Part 1

Today I will focus on the complete lack of manners at the gym.  No, I’m not talking etiquette… I don’t give a hoot which fork you use at the dinner table.  I’m talking simple politeness.  If you were raised by gorillas, with little human contact, please take note:

1  Smile - Why are you so fucking grouchy?  It's 70 and sunny in LA all the time.
2  You are an asshole if you hold up traffic and wait for the closest parking spot AT THE GYM.
3  Don’t guard the machines like a jealous girlfriend between sets.  Being possessive with a machine (much like being possessive with a boy) will not keep it from doing sets with another hot girl at a later time.
4  When you put the treadmill incline at 10 but hang on to the handlebar for dear life, the net is zero.  You’re not fooling anyone.
5  Do not paint the gym with your disgusting butt air.  As we are all sucking wind, swallowing your rotten eggs makes everyone grouchy.  (Oh, I guess that's why number 1 can be so difficult.)
6  If you are over 50, put on a towel in the locker room.  The aging process is depressing enough.  I don’t need a high definition reminder of how my boobs and ass are going to look in a few years. 
7  The gym is for working out.  The bars are for socializing.
8  Before you get in the pool, take off your bandaids.  Do you really think they’re going to make it through 40 laps?
9  Don’t hover over the toilet and splatter your pee pee all over the seat.  You are way more likely to catch a deadly disease from picking up the filthy hand weights that have never been cleaned than by placing your hamstrings on a toilet seat that is sanitized EVERYDAY.

Ahhhh.  That feels better.



  1. Noods, I would like to address each manner by number.
    1-Smile? Yes, but not if you are some creepy perv
    2-That is spot on. Nothing worse than a "waiter" in a garage. Get a life and move on.
    3-Well said Noods, well said.
    4-I've never understood that move. Why bother showing up?
    5-There is NEVER a time where blowing mud in the gym is okay. If you can't control your butthole, go to the bathroom.
    6-Seeing anyone's Va JJ in the locker room is disgusting.
    7-This goes back to number 1 for me. Don't smile at me creepy perv
    8-Do people swim with open wounds? SICK
    9-Pee Splatter is wrong on so many levels.

    Thank God for you Noods. Hopefully people shape up.


  2. Kate, I think your comments are better than my post. Thanks for that.


    1. Wait...did you say "hoot" in that post. Oh My Dod.