Today I will focus on the complete lack of manners at the gym. No, I’m not talking etiquette… I don’t give a hoot which fork you use at the dinner table. I’m talking simple politeness. If you were raised by gorillas, with little human contact, please take note:
1 Smile - Why are you so fucking grouchy? It's 70 and sunny in LA all the time.
2 You are an asshole if you hold up traffic and wait for the closest parking spot AT THE GYM.
3 Don’t guard the machines like a jealous girlfriend between sets. Being possessive with a machine (much like being possessive with a boy) will not keep it from doing sets with another hot girl at a later time.
4 When you put the treadmill incline at 10 but hang on to the handlebar for dear life, the net is zero. You’re not fooling anyone.
5 Do not paint the gym with your disgusting butt air. As we are all sucking wind, swallowing your rotten eggs makes everyone grouchy. (Oh, I guess that's why number 1 can be so difficult.)
6 If you are over 50, put on a towel in the locker room. The aging process is depressing enough. I don’t need a high definition reminder of how my boobs and ass are going to look in a few years.
7 The gym is for working out. The bars are for socializing.
8 Before you get in the pool, take off your bandaids. Do you really think they’re going to make it through 40 laps?
9 Don’t hover over the toilet and splatter your pee pee all over the seat. You are way more likely to catch a deadly disease from picking up the filthy hand weights that have never been cleaned than by placing your hamstrings on a toilet seat that is sanitized EVERYDAY.
Ahhhh. That feels better.