I wrote them down because as they were coming out of my mouth I didn't have anyone to kick and eyeroll at.
5. We have pickles. We have pretzels. No one is going to starve today.
4. You guys keep walking in front of me like dogs that won't heel.
3. Everyone gets a shampoo this week whether you need it or not.
2. Yes. I'm positive you wore underpants yesterday.
And at number one we have...
1. I think I liked it better when you were sad.
How am I doing?