What are you guys wearing to the beach this summer?
This is a complicated issue for me. I love bikinis but understand that at a certain age one must consider the experience of the other beach goers and cover that up. Am I at that age? Most likely. Will I be wearing a one piece? Absolutely not. Here's what I'm going with. Top:
Both from Malia Mills
I will also be dusting off my kettlebell and trying to follow the 4 Hour Body guidelines, shaving more regularly, spray tanning all of it and wearing a cover-up. So, I'm sorry about the bikini beach club friends but let's all try to make the best of it.
Being that my ass and legs are horrifying (legs are short and I have cellulite)....those boy shorts pictured above, I would not be caught dead in. I opt for a string tie to lengthen my stumps.
Also, my only redeeming qualities are my stomach and my fake boobs. So, I have to capitalize on those. If anything I will constantly wear a sarong.
My newest age-inappropriate bikini:
However, one would have to have bionic x-ray eyes to actually see me in it. At any given time, Malibu beaches are the climate equivalent of the Hamptons in March. So look for this gorgeous swan (bikini) to be fully covered by its ugly duckling (sweatshirt and cargo pants).