You don't even knowji

So yes we love our emoji's but there are a few that fall short.  For example, it's hard to express that you are having a shit day when the shit has a smiley face.

Love,
Kristen

Do my Warby Parkers need tweaking or is that pile of poo blurry?

BS follow up part deux

What do you suppose was happening here? (other than me forgetting to suck in my gut)

Thoughts?

Love,
Katie

WTF Wednesdays: Dubai butt-steam Intl Airport

Has anyone ever been to the Emirates Lounge at Dubai Airport?  When you go to the ladies, the water in the toilet bowl is so hot it gives you an ass facial.  I don't know if that is intentional or if it's just so hot there the water pumps in at that temp.

Either way.... in some sick way....it is a delight.

Love,
Katie

BS Follow up

After Dummy shared how wrecked we were after Day One,  I felt the need to prove that we got it together for Day Two:

Thank God for Laura Mercier and Mac 7's.

Love,
Katie

Will you accept my hose?

Please just look at Episode 1.  You will be hooked.  And laddered, yes I got the pun.

Love,

Kristen

Big Slick

Every year Kansas City hosts a celeb event to raise money for Childrens Mercy Hospital.  They call it Big Slick.  Katie and Tiffany always attend, as they are KC natives and Tiffs husband Rob is a host.  Here is the first photo and it's title is "Morning 1".  How are they doing?

Love,
Kristen

Never thought I'd say this but my bed looks really good right now.

STOP checking yourself out.

Has anyone else noticed that Kelly Rippa can not let more than 30 seconds pass without looking at herself in the monitor?  If you don't recognize this...let me help you. If she looks stage right like maybe it's to that corner of the crowd, it's not. It's the monitor.

As much as she may be likable.  Gross. She gets paid loads of money to just stare at herself.

Love,
Katie

Good Morning Mumbai

This is how my mornings looked in Mumbai.

Traditional Dosa with potato marsala,  a cappuccino, fresh apple juice and Dum via skype.  Heaven.
Love,
Katie

That's a fact

Nope, haven't read it yet.  But the title made me think of my sister in law and her fear of snipers.  It's a REAL fear, like she does look up probably every day to check what she thinks would be good "positions".  And it just makes it all the more unfortunate for her (or brave of her) that she lives in San Francisco.  Someone with a fear of snipers should be hunkering down in the flat lands.

Here's what happened.  When she was a kid some a-hole older neighbor boy showed her a scar on his stomach and said it was from a sniper.  And she believed it.  Granted she was eight years old but she is now considerably older and she STILL believes his story!  And won't hear any talk about the scar being most likely from an appendectomy or a hernia.  Absolutely not.  He was shot by a sniper.  Fact.

What is your irrational fear?*  Sorry, Erin I know you don't think of it as irrational.

Love,
Kristen

*Mine is practically everything.  Except snipers.

Smarmy and self serving

Wow, I can't decide what I like best about John Mayers new song.  Is it the "I'm a good man with a good heart" blatant Valentine to himself line or the "my shadow paves a road" line which I think is him saying if you are lucky enough to get shit dorked by me your life will be better for it.  It's so hard to choose!

Love,
Kristen

Odds

How likely do you think it is that I had an anxiety attack in this train station?

Love,
Katie

You'llllll be sooooorrrrryyyyy

Everyone knows I've got back or rather...a  ba-donka-donk butt.  So you can imagine what a delightful treat it might appear to be to an Indian mosquito.  What that little piece of shit didn't count on was my reflexes.  He got about two bites deep when I flexed my gluts and my mighty cheeks smashed him.

He was a real asshole.

Hope I don't get malaria.

Love,
Katie

WTF Wednesdays

See, this is exactly why they have you lift your cheeks when you spray tan.  So you can crawl into a bar in the middle of the day with a lit cigarette and not be embarrassed.  Bare assed but not embarrassed.

Love,
Kristen

How's the weather

If you ever wanted to know how hot balls are at 100% humidity, come to Mumbai at the beginning of Monsoon season.

Thankfully, we'll be gone before this happens:

Love,
Katie

Look good, feel good

This saying always makes me think of my roommate in college who would shower, curl her hair and put on a prom dress to take her exams.  Her reasoning was that if you look your best you will do your best.  Some connection psychologically between an effort in appearance and performance.  I never tested her theory in college (she, incidentally? always aced her exams) but I do believe there is some truth to "look good, feel good".  Especially when you don't feel like it.

Love,

Kristen

Love this of Katie.  Chugging Mucinex with showgirl makeup and hair in curlers.  She is not a quitter.

Katie can sing

When I met Katie twenty years ago she was a singer/songwriter.  I have since heard her sing in many venues and she consistently blows my doors off.  Katie, I am calling you out.  Dust off those pipes.

Love,
Kristen

I know you are in India.

Two beads away from a disaster

As you know, I love bling.  Sparkles, beading, sequins, etc..  When I went to pick up my pre-sale Pradas, they had all of the shoes down in the lingerie/swim dept at Saks.  I started checking out the pool cover ups. They were these gorgeous, floor length get ups.  They were all adorned with beading and sequins....but something was off. I couldn't put my finger on it until a couple of gals started pulling them off the rack speaking in a language I could not put my finger on.

It is a FINE line between looking fabulous and looking like a Shah's of Sunset cast member.  (disclaimer:  I don't care where you come from but these women were like the gals with the french manicured overgrown toenails in chanel flip flops-insert vomit here)

So Designers, take note, know when to say when.

Love,
Katie

Tip of the day

I may have mentioned this but I don't know because we don't have an intern checking the freaking hundreds of rambling posts on this site but it's very important and true so I don't mind repeating myself.  If you or anyone you love/like has the hiccups you can be the hero and cure them with this simple tip.  Have them hold their breath and count in their mind to infinity.  Suck the juice from a wedge of lemon or lime.  It NEVER fails.  If it fails you I want to hear about it!  Because I do have another hiccup trick up my sleeve but it is creepy and I try not to pull it out.

Love,
Kristen

Yeongeorul malsum halsu isseoyo?

 

Curiosity and humor tend to rule my life.  I like to know the how and why of things, and I REALLY appreciate a good chuckle.  Both would motivate me to take Korean language classes.   Like, WTF are the Korean ladies giggling about while I sit in the pedi chair? That...and there's nothing funnier than whitey, white girl busting out in Asian-speak.  Love, Noods

Tis the Season!

There is nothing that gets me going faster than shoe sale season.  You walk down Wilshire Blvd and there is Barneys, Neimans and Saks RIGHT in a row... and all with the most glorious kicks around 40% off.

In the last two days, this happened:

This is way better than baby Jesus's birthday or that 9 day candle lighting holiday.   Thank you sale season.

Love,
Katie

Here we go again

At 5 am I heard someone enter our house.  Then I heard a kitchen drawer open (the knife drawer obviously). Heart pounding, I went down the stairs to find... my husband (who had left 30 minutes earlier for work) in the kitchen.

Me:  "What the what?!"

Him: "My ride didn't come."

Me: "Oh (long breath-regulating pause).  What are you going to do?"

Him: "Have a cup of coffee..?"

Me: "My neck hurts.  Do you think it's meningitis?"

Him:  Blank stare.  Sad head shake.

See, that's what you get when you encounter me at 5 am.

Love,
Kristen