Hi! Welcome! Don't Make Us Kill You!

Generally, flying into another country is exciting and fun.  On this occasion, it was mildly terrifying.

Getting ready to land from Dubai to Kuala Lumpur, the flight attendant purred, " Bringing drugs into Malaysia is illegal.  The penalty is Capital Punishment.  Welcome to Kuala Lumpur."

Uh....thanks?  I started sweating just out of the sheer freak show of it.  That....and it's hot as balls in Malaysia.

Thank Goodness I only pop prescription pills.

Bless Dr. Chorley.

Love,
Katie

Say Yes To the Dress .....then File Papers

This show rivals The Bachelor in the ballpark of psychotic twenty-somethings who have no sense of self.

It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end as I listen to some child bride drawl " my ho life, i jus been waitin for this day!"

Really?  You had no other dreams or aspirations?

Then just as I'm about to get totally grossed out I remember that they probably have it right.  Get married at 23, divorced with darling kids and a stipend at 30 and start living!

Well done ladies.  Seems I'm the only dummy on the bus.

Love,
Katie

True words, Paris

I never thought I would say this but when I saw this quote from P. Hilton it all clicked.  I'm so onto my husband.

Grocery shopping:

Me:  What is this?  I meant normal cows milk when I said milk.

Bedtime:

Me:  I didn't know that you didn't know that they need to wear pajamas.

Dishes:

Me:  Um, they are still dirty because when you put that cookie sheet in the water thing can't spin around.

Bills:

Me:  Did you change our password again?  The lady at Chase is asking me what your favorite food is and I don't know if you said seafood or if you tried to throw off all the hackers again with something like "chinese"

Laundry:

Me:  Rags in with the towels?

Just kidding he's never done laundry.

I could never employ this method of avoidance because my self esteem is too wrapped up in my ability to do stupid stuff around the house.  But I respect it.  

Love,

Kristen

London Must Do

If you are in London anytime soon, do not miss The Light Show.
My friend Davie Johnston turned me on to it and it did not disappoint. There are some installations that eff with your mind.  I loved it.

This was super cool.  Made you feel like you were in a tunnel

Thank you Davie.

Love,
Katie

WTF Wednesdays

What is going on here?  Vargas girl head on the body of a pre-pubescent scout with a penchant for S&M?  I don't even know how to process this.  It's like a perverse photoshop job.  Why does she need to be eighteen different gay stereotypes just because she's going to the GLAAD awards?

Love,
Kristen

Oh Kelly

dlisted

What?  Did you think this was a picture from a photo shoot?  Ah, no this is a candid shot captured by a paparazzi who was absolutely not hired by Kelly Bensimon* to take pics of her by the hotel pool in Miami.  How could you even confuse that?  That look in her eyes?  It's not saying I will give you an extra fifty bucks to email these to TMZ as soon as we're done here.  It's saying should I put on spf 50 or is that going overboard?  I wonder what time my flight leaves on Sunday.  I should check.  After a nap.  What's that over there?  Just normal stuff!

Now I'm going to take it in a different direction because there is this.

dlisted

Medically I cannot find any explanation for that.  I obviously wanted it to be a third nipple but it's unlikely.  In any case she doesn't seem to be bothered by it.  Anyone have any personal knowledge of or even textbook reference for that?

Love,

Kristen

* I can just her that conversation. Him:  Nobody is going to want those pictures.  Her:  What if I show my third nipple?  Him:  Already seen it.  Her:  (Sigh) Just come, I will pay for your room at the Delano.

It Puts the Lotion On or it Gets the Hose Again

That phrase comes to mind when I worry about one of my great friends being chained to a radiator in a hole by her husband ( I hope she doesn't end up on Snapped), but it also comes to mind when I go get my spray tan from my new friend in Oklahoma.

The first time I went to Suntanz in Tulsa, I forgot my under garments.  Even in Los Angeles, I had a very special pair of undies I would don for a spray tan.  How and why I forgot them this particular time is a mystery.  I was understandably taken aback when I realized he was the tan artiste.

Him: I'll be doing your spray tan, are you okay with that?

Me: Tell me you are gay.

Him:  I'm SO gay, the owner "outs" me constantly

Me: Let's roll.

Needless to say, I do believe he is my favorite spray tanner EVER.  And when I was concerned about not being darling nude he said:

OH PLEASE! I just had to do a 70 year old woman mostly naked.

Thank God I'll never make it to 70. ( my friend might not either)

Love,
Katie