HAHAHAHA!
On a serious note, Debbie I would be pissed if I were you.
Love,
Kristen
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Holy Va J J Batman
Did this salty old gal forget her drawers? Does she think she is Brittany Spears?
Note to tales of the crypt: Don't wear a moo moo for a pedi if I have to look at your stanky, cobweb-riddled downstairs mix up.
Love,
Katie
The Bachelor, the Women Tell Alzzzzz...
Sorry, I just dozed off. So, to recap, a bunch of glammed up one-sleeve dress wearing whiny babies all need Ben to explain to them why they went home. He's like I picked the girls I liked the most so if I didn't pick you that means I liked the other ones more. Have some self respect, ladies. When someone dumps you the only thing to do is act like you were never into it the first place. Duh. Two things saved this Ambien of a show for me. 1) Crying Courtney gave me a legitimate giggle. 2) The peanut gallery of one in the back row.
I don't know who she is but she was rocking a side braid and would call out things like "WHUT WHOA" and "BOO HOO!" and "OH! Are you going to cry now baby?!". She was bleeped like six times. Thank you, Side Braid. And I will be using your signature phrase "bat shit crazy" and thinking of you.
I know it's not a lot but it's all I got and I stand behind it.
Love,
Kristen
I don't know who she is but she was rocking a side braid and would call out things like "WHUT WHOA" and "BOO HOO!" and "OH! Are you going to cry now baby?!". She was bleeped like six times. Thank you, Side Braid. And I will be using your signature phrase "bat shit crazy" and thinking of you.
I know it's not a lot but it's all I got and I stand behind it.
Love,
Kristen
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
JFK to LAX: The true life story of the gays and grays of the sky
Traveling is one of my favorite things. Clearly, the Dums have been traveling quite a bit lately.
I have all of my "status" with American Airlines. It's difficult, once you establish a certain level, to stray to another airline. (I almost always get my upgrades and when I'm in a pickle, the Exec Platinum desk is stellar.) One of the big downsides to American Airlines is that the flight attendants are like Reps for Palm Springs.
If there isn't a cranky, old ho limping down the aisle, it's an uber-bitch flitting down the aisle:
If I have to pick, I'm taking the virile, fun and bitchy men. Those brittle-boned geriatrics would snap in two in the event of an emergency. Do you think one of those arthritic, wrinkled ladies could hoof you out of a burning airliner? That dude pictured above COULD! In fact, I think he chugged a beer, told someone to fuck off, pulled the slide and jumped out after she pissed him off. (Does anyone remember that?)
I love male flight attendants, the other gals should possibly be put out to pasture. Sorry ladies.
Love,
Katie
I have all of my "status" with American Airlines. It's difficult, once you establish a certain level, to stray to another airline. (I almost always get my upgrades and when I'm in a pickle, the Exec Platinum desk is stellar.) One of the big downsides to American Airlines is that the flight attendants are like Reps for Palm Springs.
(These gals may have been hot in the Pan Am Generation)
If I have to pick, I'm taking the virile, fun and bitchy men. Those brittle-boned geriatrics would snap in two in the event of an emergency. Do you think one of those arthritic, wrinkled ladies could hoof you out of a burning airliner? That dude pictured above COULD! In fact, I think he chugged a beer, told someone to fuck off, pulled the slide and jumped out after she pissed him off. (Does anyone remember that?)
I love male flight attendants, the other gals should possibly be put out to pasture. Sorry ladies.
Love,
Katie
When I grow up, I want to be Abby
My daughter has an equally profound impact on my life (albeit very different). After arriving home late last night from a week long trip to NYC, I found this on my pillow:
Really Abs? I'm so not worthy. Thanks for showing me everyday that you have the biggest heart of any human being, ever.
Love,
Tiffany
George-isms
This kid brings me such joy. He is at the age where he is constantly butchering words...in the most perfect way. For instance, he uses a "t" sound for most of his "k" sounds. Cookie becomes tookie...cocoa puffs become toco puffs...and candy becomes tandy. He is also known to say "Oh my dod" and the word because is always shortened to bee-uhz. Collectively these are known as George-isms and I dread the day they're gone.
Love,
Tiffany
Table for one
I love alone time, especially after having kids. A few years ago I was telling another mom how much I enjoyed my Tuesday routine of dropping my girls off at dance class and then sneaking off to the pizza place next door for a quick slice, solo. Loved it. Alone for fifteen minutes! Sometimes I brought a magazine but mostly I just sat there in silence.
Well, she was mortified. The idea of me dining alone in public was so upsetting that she went so far as to say that if she ever saw me sitting by myself in a food establishment she would avoid eye contact to save me the embarrassment of being seen. I couldn't stop laughing. The fact that we didn't really even know each other made it even funnier to me.*
Four years later, the humiliation she feels on my behalf hasn't stopped me. Friend (you know who you are), this is for you.
Love,
Kristen
*Her neuroses have since become one of her most endearing traits, and there are many.
Well, she was mortified. The idea of me dining alone in public was so upsetting that she went so far as to say that if she ever saw me sitting by myself in a food establishment she would avoid eye contact to save me the embarrassment of being seen. I couldn't stop laughing. The fact that we didn't really even know each other made it even funnier to me.*
Four years later, the humiliation she feels on my behalf hasn't stopped me. Friend (you know who you are), this is for you.
yesterday
Who is that sitting across from me? Oh. No one.
Love,
Kristen
*Her neuroses have since become one of her most endearing traits, and there are many.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)