You need to respect me as an artist

When our family was living in London we went from a fully furnished rental to an unfurnished rental and that is when I started thinking about painting.  We needed something on the walls but had nothing in the budget for art and so my painting career began.  I like crazy stuff that looks like nothing and that works for me because I can paint stuff that looks like nothing, no problem.  So I bought canvases, paints, brushes and started to say things to my husband like, I wish you could just be supportive of my art.  He would squeeze-close his eyes for a full four seconds (trying to suppress an eye roll), breathe deep and then say "I fully support you and your art."  Meanwhile, I never considered myself an artist but the fact that it upset him so much made me laugh and strangely motivated me.  Lots and lots of paintings later he says this "I would never buy any of them but I love them all."

So, he's come around.  And I've let him name them all.  One is called "Triple Nipple".  Another is called "My life is perfect and yet I cry."  

I'm going to submit them for a local art show.  80% because my friend Suzanne told me to, 20% to upset my husband.

Love,

Kristen

Destination Divorce

One of my friends is recently divorced. As in it was official less than 24 hours ago.  We are currently on an annual girls trip in Snowmass.  Ladies, if you get divorced....come to Snowmass.  There are darling men everywhere you turn.  This is my "boot boyfriend" Matt.

They all flirt, they are all manly and they are all fit.

Seriously.

Love,
Katie

Toddlers and Tiaras: luckiest babies in the world

I watch a lot of reality tv and I think it's all gross and stunts and I love it anyway.  But I stumbled on this show the other night and it really spoke to me.  Has anyone seen this?  It's about babies who convince their parents to let them do pageants.  And so these parents, because they only care about their babies happiness, sacrifice everything so that these kids can fulfill their dreams of winning Grand Supreme.  And then all these kids do is cry and whine and act like they'd rather be home watching Sprout.  So ungrateful!  They have no idea how lucky they are and I feel like they could use some straight talk.  This is going to seem harsh but they can't be coddled forever.

Sami Jo (18 months)

Sami Jo, I know you are a baby.  Yeah, I get it.  But seriously what is with the crawling on the floor during Beauty? Why do you want to punish your mother like that?  All she does is love you.  And by the way, your mom was right.  You were "horrible" at Beauty.  If that stings, I hope it just motivates you.  We all know what you can be if you just apply yourself.



Alexis (4 years)

Alexis, I didn't notice until your mom pointed it out but you do have "really small and closed eyes" so suck it up and wear those fake lashes.  However, I love that hot dogs are your favorite food.  They are mine as well and so you are my Grand Supreme favorite so far!



Sami Jo

Ugh.  Sami Jo you were such a bitch after Beauty.  Can you not go one day without a morning and afternoon nap?  Thank God your mom had some "special juice" (Red Bull and whip its) to get you pumped for Fancy Wear.  Alas, you didn't do any of your "moves".  WTF Sami Jo?  You are really going to have to bring it for Talent.  (Didn't).



Alexis

Hmm.  Alexis, I don't know about your "Cleo Patrick" portrayal for Fancy Wear.  Having your "slabes" carry you out on a daybed made me uncomfortable.  That being said, your robot during Talent was legit.

Girls!  Yes, this is a tough business.  But it's the choice you made.  So when you feel like you couldn't possibly take one more sip of Mountain Dew and all you want is your Nuk and blankie, keep in mind my motto:  try harder, run faster, be better at everything.  Your parents deserve it.

Love,
Kristen

I can eat 50 eggs!

Dum and Noods are big proponents of protein immediately out of bed.  As someone that despises the breakfast experience, I have to force feed myself 2 hard boiled eggs.

(yes, that is last night's make up)

The thing that makes this possible at all ( as I do not cook or boil water), are the Fresh Hard-Cooked Peeled eggs by TJ's.

You can literally pop them out of the bag, give them a quick rinse and pop em in your gob.  (And they keep! )  Still... trying for force feed myself in the morning always makes me think of this sexy man.

If Cool Hand Luke can eat 50, I should be able to slide 2 down my gullet. Thanks for the inspiration!

Love,

Katie

Vick's picks

One of the reasons I love my friend Vicki's style is that it validates my own.  She worked in the fashion industry for years (for Ralph Lauren Purple Label, ETRO, Chloe...) so when we end up wearing almost identical outfits I'm like "Yes!  I knew this was cute!"  Now as a mother of two she helps people fine tune their wardrobes as Vicki Cohen - Style Hunter.  I asked her to give me her list of must haves for every closet.  This reads exactly like my own list but it has credibility because Vicki wrote it and she is a bonafide expert.

The Lady Pieces
Navy blazer
White button down shirt
Pencil skirt
Black suit/tuxedo jacket
Ballet flat
Black high heel pump
Wide legged trouser
Knee high riding boot
Tailored wool coat
Colorful clutch

The Everyday Basics
Skinny jeans
Flared jeans
Motorcycle jacket
Ankle boots
Loose fitting white tees
Swingy crew neck sweater
Pottery Barn Kids backpack Big statement bag

I am adding to this a Breton striped shirt, a grandpa cardigan and Converse.

Thanks Vicki!  Keep on bringing it as the most stylish mom at pick up!

Love,
Kristen

My "Problems" are starting to sound like an episode from the Housewives

Um, Where am I?

If you have ever opened your eyes in bed and thought this, you know how alarming it is.  I am away as much, if not more, than I'm home.  Although I clearly love to travel it can start to eff with your brain.  This morning was the second time in a week that I've had this feeling.  I'm going to Snowmass on Thursday morning, which means I'll just be getting used to being in my bed when I rip myself away from it again. 

p.s. why are my eyebrows moving?  I need to see Dr. Kevin

Love,
Katie

Downton Abbey

I don't watch this show, mainly because I can't seem to find it on demand.  But I plan on watching it just so I can go back and enjoy these recaps again.  Yes, I read them even though I don't know anything about the show.  That's how funny she is.  If you watch, you should read this.

Love,
Kristen