You did what? Where? House parties.

Okay I feel like this question divides the population in the same way that feta* does.  Or Steely Dan**.  It's either a hell YES! or a for the love of God NO! for most people.  The question is this:  do you dance in someone's living room during a party?  Discuss.

Love,
Kristen

* Smells like vomit
** Makes me want to poke myself in the ear holes

Christmas is Cancelled

Sometimes I feel so reckless and wild
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
I've given nobody life
I am nobody's wife
And I seem to be nobody's daughter
                         -Shawn Colvin

Aside from the fact that the above excerpt describes me exactly, I am easily the worst at wrapping gifts:

 That is honestly the a present I wrapped for a friend yesterday. Hideous...almost bizarre in in it's grotesque lumps.  It is as though a well-intention retarded child did it. (actually I guess that is true as well)


 Put all of these facts together, and the month of December is truly the most depressing one of all.  So, I have decided to completely cancel Christmas in my life and declare this the month of PLASTIC SURGERY.

Turn my frown upside down?  You got it!  Dr. Kevin in Beverly Hills can make that happen.  Eyes a little tired? Noooo problem, Dr. Kevin can sort that out as well.  Getting serious work done in December can also be a ticket out of any potentially unwanted family engagements.   Ohhhhh I would love to come! But I'm getting a mid-face lift that week.  Sooorrrryy!  

 Some light lipo followed by some fat injections and BAM!  I'll be ready for the New Year!   

Merry Boobjob and Happy Brow lift to you!

Love,

Katie

 

It's OK to love your friend's husband

Kristen 'Superdum''s hubby, Chris= Excellent
Tiffany 'Superdum''s hubby, Rob=Excellent
I've had occasion to spend time with Riggs (Tiff's dude) just as a friend, not Canavan(Kristen's dude) yet...although I think it would be gangbusters.

Tonight, I had dinner with my friend Kristina's husband:

She is away with the family and he will join them tomorrow.  I love them, I miss her.  It is such a delight to have the luxury of being friends with both sides of a couple without one being a freak.  It is truly shocking how rare this is.

Well done Non Freaks...well done.

You know who you are.

Love,
Katie

The least sexy Christmas list ever

So, I want that 50mm lens.  And these shearling lined boot clogs.  Clog boots?  I don't know but manhoods are shriveling as I type.  The last two items are a Cuisinart (dude foodies (doodies?) are perking up here) and a blender (yes, for drinks).  How am I doing?  I hope next year is a LOT more foxy.

Love,
Kristen

The Chubby 1/3

Kristen is skinny and hot.  Tiffany is an accomplished triathlete, fit and hot.  I actually have to work out to keep it together at all.  We are talking no eating after 6pm (only cocktails) , working out at least 3 times a week (preferably 5) and cutting back on my candy intake.

This is how happy it makes me:

Clearly, not at all.  After a 45 minute Tread and Shred class, I want an Apple Walnut Cobbler from Houston's.  Why bother?  I have to bother because Kristen and Tiffany have both given birth out of their own bodies at least twice and are 100% more fit than me. (I have never had a baby come out of my Va J J...so I have zero excuses)

Isn't there a pill I can take?

Please say yes.

Love,
Katie

Why does my husband find it necessary to ask me the stupidest questions?

The entire family is enjoying a day at The Great Wolf Lodge.  (For those of you who don't know, that is the indoor waterpark version of Disneyland.)  The 3-year-old has finally exhausted himself into a stupor, so I grab a towel for him out of the giant bin marked "clean towels".  Cut to my husband asking me (in an irritated voice, no less)..."Is that a CLEAN towel?"  To which I responded, "No dear.  That kid just wiped his butt with it and gave it to me."

Love,
Tiffany

I don't buy it

I recently read an article that stated the average American woman has had 4 sexual partners.

Instantaneous thoughts:

A)  I must be European
B)  American women are sexually repressed liars
C)  All women interviewed were under the age of 24


And just so we're clear... I have been married for the past 13 years.

Love,
Tiffany