Monday, July 14, 2014

I need a shower and a hug



I did all of you a big solid (that doesn't sound right) tonight by watching a show called Game of Crowns.  It's about a bunch of ladies competing in the Mrs. America pageants.  And I learned a ton!  But if I had to pick my top three lessons it would be..

Don't ever ever ever wear the same traveling outfit as your pageant mentor.  Not that you would.  I think that is pretty obvious.

There is something called butt spray and I want it.

Don't do the Mrs. America pageant.

And unless you want to lose your faith in womankind don't watch this show.  It is a blood bath.  In full make up and clip on hair.

Love,
Kristen

Friday, July 11, 2014

I win


this makes me want to punch someone in the face

Sometimes Katie and I cheer each other up by out mizzing* each other.  I don't know how funny it is to normal people to talk about your bad days, but I needed to get this off my chest.  It kind of felt like Cosmic Joke on Kristen Day.

6:30  Wake up thinking it is PM and don't know where my kids are. Panic attack
6:31  Find them in their beds and realize it is AM
6:32  Text Katie
8:00  Clean up puppy vomit which is a pair of my Hanky Pankies and some brown stuff.  Dry heave
8:10  Go to check emails and find that my internet is down
12:00  Load six kids in the car to take to swim camp
2:00  Think my cleaning lady snarled at me.  Maybe that's just her face?
3:45  Pick up the six at swim camp
4:10  Am stopped while trying to exit swim camp parking lot by 15 year old lot attendant to let 400 other cars exit
4:30  Scream at 15 year old that I have six kids in my car and one is only two and he needs to let me out
4:31  Exit swim camp
5:00  The road I need to take is closed
5:20  Get lost on way to swim meet
6:15  Event #2 heat 4 and my six year old son is already over this swim meet.  Tears.  My oldest daughter is in event #46
7:45  Swim meet shut down to search for missing toddler.  Panic attack
7:55  Toddler found by the popo
8:45  Arrive home and downstairs AC isn't working
9:00  Remember that internet is down
9:30  Power goes out during Shark Tank
9:35  Text Katie

Close eyes.  Breathe deep.  Repeat forever.

Love,
Kristen

*a competition of miserableness