Conversations in Crazytown

Lulu:  Mommy I'm never going in the ocean.

Me:  Why because of the clinging jellies?

Lulu:  No there's this other kind..

Maisy:  They're called Portuguese Man Whores.

Me to myself:  That can't be right.

Lulu:  Man o' Wars.

Love,
Kristen

Conversations in Crazytown

Me:  Maisy I am cutting your nails tonight otherwise people are going to think you are a weirdo.

Her:  Mommy!  I prefer the word whack-job.

Ten minutes later...

Me:  When I said you were a weirdo what did you say?  I want to post it and I forget.

Her:  I didn't say anything.

Me: Yes you did!  Wait....Oh!  Whack-job!

Her:  Oh, right.  I thought I just thought it.

Me: No, you said it.

Her: Oh.

Love,
Kristen

A dog says what now?

I love our dogs to bits but Tikkanen, the puppy, has a bark that makes my ears ring.  And barking is his way of communicating, whereas Zimmer will stare at me and then tap me with his paw and walk over to whatever it is he wants.  His bowl or the door, etc.  It's all very civilized.  The other day my husband and I made a list of reasons that Tikkanen barks.  Here it is.

Air

Sounds

People

No people

The tops of stairs

The bottom of stairs

Beds

Doors

Sofas

Trees

Apathy

Paper

When no children are crying

When you take him where he barks to go to

Sleeping

Being awake

When you walk

When you are happy

Ghosts (fair enough)

Love,

Kristen

Oh Grace

Have you seen this?  I can't stop watching.

Love,
Kristen

Cinco de Mayo always reminds me of that time when I went to TIjuana with Andrew Ridgley from Wham!

You don't go to UCLA and leave without some stories.

Love,

Kristen 

Dog bullies are real

My friend does not like dogs and it's not that she's afraid of them they just annoy her.  And she can't with the mess.  She is the kind of person who if you instagram a cute pic of your puppy will comment "he still poops on your dining room rug".

The other day she came over and when she was leaving she said to my two pups, "Bye dorks".  I was in the other room so she wasn't even saying it for my benefit.  I thought it was a bit harsh but blew it off until we got to my neighbors house and she said to their bulldog "Hey fatso."  That was it for me.

Me:  You are a dog bully!

Her:  What?  He's fat and your dogs are dorks.

Me:  (closed eye head shake trying not to smile/encourage her) That is so effed up.

Her:  Fine.  Byeee dogeee.

Me:  Ok, that was fake.  He knows you don't mean it.

After a shrug and an eyeball roll she breezed out in her pristine outfit, got in her pristine car and left me in a cloud of dog hair stuck to dog slobber stuck to my self righteousness.

Love,
Kristen

DNCE

I was never a Jonas Brothers fan but I LOVE DNCE.  I heard this live on Z100 one morning a few months ago and have been meaning to post it.

The drummer on a turned over trash can?  Only one stick?  That badass guy with three fingers on a children's keyboard?  Everything that gorgeous girl does with a guitar?  KAZOO???  Stop it.

Love,
Kristen