Things I shouldn't admit Thursdays

I hate to shower.  For me it feels like a chore.  Because there's the waiting for the water to get hot and the getting undressed.  I'm already exhausted.  Then the exfoliating, the conditioner, the shaving.  And you still are not out of the shower.  Then it's the moisturizing and the finding clean underwear.  Blow drying.  I mean who has time for this??  So when it gets cold enough that I can wear this on my head all day long I get really excited because I can scratch showering off my to do list for days.  Thank you knit hat.  Smell ya me later.

Love,
Kristen

Confessions of a mum hater, part 2

I think it's pretty remarkable that there are two posts with this title and they are entirely unrelated.  In this case I mean "mum" in the English sense.

Recently my 6 year old (the notorious mama's boy) has been going through something where he thinks he might want a different mom and he feels compelled to tell me this on the regular.  He just needs to get it off his chest.  Our daily exchanges go something like this:

Him:  Mommy can I talk to you in private?
Me:  Sure, babe.
Him:  I was just thinking that maybe I want (insert name of real or fictional person here) to be my mommy.
Me:  Ok.  Well.  Thanks for letting me know.
Him:  You're welcome.*

For the most part I try to be completely unreactive.  I know that's not a word.  I don't want to make a big deal about it.  I say things like "it's okay to have those thoughts" or "you really don't need to tell me everything you're thinking".  But what I really want to say is you're welcome for pushing all nine (mostly head) pounds of you out and then carrying you around on my body for five years.  Dick.

Love,
Kristen

*he is really polite

All Good ( Or Bad ) Things Must ......

This picture embodies how I am feeling about a lot of situations

Anyone that knows me knows my love interest situation as I've never tried to hide it, lie about it or make it into something that it wasn't.

 You also know that I have the greatest dog in the land.

Dolly in a fleeting happy moment

Well, everything in life gets old.  Relationship situations, dogs....us.  This all sounds morbid, but it's just how shit goes.  You fall in love, do or do not squeeze out a couple of ankle biters, time passes and yaawwwwwwwn. 

My fat ass dog is the same.  I fell in love 14 years ago (when she was 1) we've been a power couple for 14 years and now she is cray cray.  Literally cray cray.  She's going to have to go the big farm soon.  So might my relationship.

You just have to know when it's time to put something down.

When do you call it?

Today is not the day.  I'm going to have another cocktail and get back to you.

Love,
Katie

Buffalo Knuckle?

When Mariah Carey's stylist allowed her to go onstage in that gnarly camel toe jumpsuit not a soul let it slip by.

Then cut to:

My new boyfriend, Luke Bryan, starts wearing the skinniest jeans I have ever seen on a man.

Now, he is sexy as all get out....but my quandry is with the lack of a buffalo knuckle.  For those of you that do not know what this is...it's the equivalent of a camel toe on a dude.  It's usually a dodgy ball split. There will be cock and one ball on one side and just a ball on the other. (Unless you are Lance Armstrong)

Where in the hell are his nuts? Where is his pee pee?

LUKE I LOVE YOU...WHERE IS YOUR PEE PEE????  You must have some teensie nuts, but I still love you.

Actually I love you more as huge nuts are a turn off.

Love,
Katie

Warden?

I so wish I had written this.

http://keep0smiling.blogspot.com/2013/08/10-ways-living-with-toddler-is-like.html?m=1

I don't even have a toddler and it's still 100% true.

Love,
Kristen

In the Nick of Vine

You know you are getting old when all you use is Facebook.  My nieces and nephews have alerted me that it's for "old people".  Just when I feel like I've become an aficionado at something, they pull the rug out from under me.  Thus, this brings me to Vine.

There is some funny ass stuff on there.  My vines pretty much blow, but follow my ass anyway:
 vine://user/933970613108899840

Okay, now that I have literally just started getting my freakishly small head around vines, I'm told that now it's all about Instagram.  WTF?  SERIOUSLY???  I hate everyone.....but I'm on there.... so follow my ass anyway on that shit too:  KATHERINEMORGAN2013   (stupidest handle ever)

I think my favorite filters are EarlyBird and Amoroso or some shit like that.

If someone tells me there is some new fucking app I have to start posting to...I will cut them.

Love,
Katie

Shine on!

Set your DVRs people!  After Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, I thought I could never be satisfied again....then I stumbled onto Moonshiners.

With gems like Tim and Tickle:

Tim is in the hat, Tickle is driving...totally sober

Jim Tom:

He and my mom have the same dentist

and Mark and Jeff:

Although they look totally normal, when they speak that goes away

I may just pack up the Audi and head for the hills in North Carolina.  They are producing some quality shit.

You are welcome.

Love,
Katie