Get in the car

This means different things to different people. For me it means get in the car.  For my son it means stand on the porch.  For my daughter it means lean against the car.  I must say it fifteen times between 7:18 and 7:19 am.  Get in the car.  Standing in entry with door open.  Get in the car.  Porch standing.  Get in the car.  On the lawn.  Get in the car.  Open car door.  Get in the car.  Fight with legs hanging out of car.  And so on.

It wouldn't be such a big deal if we didn't need to leave to meet the bus at exactly 7:20 in the morning. Maybe I need to build in time for differences of opinion on the meaning of the command.

Love,
Kristen 

Made out of Sugar

On my last trip, we visited London and India.

While in London, I had a lovely lunch with my friend Davie.

He is a 200+lb Scotsman with a glorious brogue.  It was raining outside (shocker) and I had a brolley and was full on ducking out of the rain.  He boomed at me "Whooots th proooblem??? Your'd noot mead ooout of shoooogarrr!" (Translation: What's the problem you're not made out of sugar?)  My other favorite thing that he said to me was " I've flushed things that weigh more than you". 

Love it. Love him.

Cut to India:

I packed properly for London...well mostly.  And I figured it would be hot in India....but I have no swimsuit, no short pants, no skirts. Just jeans.  HOT AS BALLS JEANS.  We are out by the pool and I have to sit in the shade under fans to not melt. And I'm still melting.  Of course, there is NOTHING I can buy here to remedy this.  It seems I WAS actually turning into sugar in the unbearable heat.  Every Dengue fever infected mosquito wanted a piece of me.

 Ugh.

Off to Canada next.  I'll let you know how that goes.

Love,
Katie

I went crazy over the weekend. What did you do?

You know those things in life that you imagine doing and think about a lot but when the day finally comes you feel so impulsive and cray?  Like you may have wanted to buy a motorcycle since you were fifteen and even though you are now fifty when you buy that thing it's like what the what?  Who am I??  Have I lost my mind??  I don't even have a license!  Why did they let me take this?  What am I going to do with it?  Or you always wanted to own a bar.  Or get a tatoo.  Or quit your job and move to Belize.  And you think about it all the time but if you actually take that step it somehow seems so unlike you.  There are not many of those moments in life but I had two this past weekend.  The first was on a very small scale (not in terms of pain).

The second was on a bigger scale.

I woke up on Monday with a puppy and a third hole.  Feeling like a weird different person.  In the best way.  What's your thing?

Love,
Kristen

Things I shouldn't admit Thursdays

I hate to shower.  For me it feels like a chore.  Because there's the waiting for the water to get hot and the getting undressed.  I'm already exhausted.  Then the exfoliating, the conditioner, the shaving.  And you still are not out of the shower.  Then it's the moisturizing and the finding clean underwear.  Blow drying.  I mean who has time for this??  So when it gets cold enough that I can wear this on my head all day long I get really excited because I can scratch showering off my to do list for days.  Thank you knit hat.  Smell ya me later.

Love,
Kristen

Confessions of a mum hater, part 2

I think it's pretty remarkable that there are two posts with this title and they are entirely unrelated.  In this case I mean "mum" in the English sense.

Recently my 6 year old (the notorious mama's boy) has been going through something where he thinks he might want a different mom and he feels compelled to tell me this on the regular.  He just needs to get it off his chest.  Our daily exchanges go something like this:

Him:  Mommy can I talk to you in private?
Me:  Sure, babe.
Him:  I was just thinking that maybe I want (insert name of real or fictional person here) to be my mommy.
Me:  Ok.  Well.  Thanks for letting me know.
Him:  You're welcome.*

For the most part I try to be completely unreactive.  I know that's not a word.  I don't want to make a big deal about it.  I say things like "it's okay to have those thoughts" or "you really don't need to tell me everything you're thinking".  But what I really want to say is you're welcome for pushing all nine (mostly head) pounds of you out and then carrying you around on my body for five years.  Dick.

Love,
Kristen

*he is really polite

All Good ( Or Bad ) Things Must ......

This picture embodies how I am feeling about a lot of situations

Anyone that knows me knows my love interest situation as I've never tried to hide it, lie about it or make it into something that it wasn't.

 You also know that I have the greatest dog in the land.

Dolly in a fleeting happy moment

Well, everything in life gets old.  Relationship situations, dogs....us.  This all sounds morbid, but it's just how shit goes.  You fall in love, do or do not squeeze out a couple of ankle biters, time passes and yaawwwwwwwn. 

My fat ass dog is the same.  I fell in love 14 years ago (when she was 1) we've been a power couple for 14 years and now she is cray cray.  Literally cray cray.  She's going to have to go the big farm soon.  So might my relationship.

You just have to know when it's time to put something down.

When do you call it?

Today is not the day.  I'm going to have another cocktail and get back to you.

Love,
Katie

Buffalo Knuckle?

When Mariah Carey's stylist allowed her to go onstage in that gnarly camel toe jumpsuit not a soul let it slip by.

Then cut to:

My new boyfriend, Luke Bryan, starts wearing the skinniest jeans I have ever seen on a man.

Now, he is sexy as all get out....but my quandry is with the lack of a buffalo knuckle.  For those of you that do not know what this is...it's the equivalent of a camel toe on a dude.  It's usually a dodgy ball split. There will be cock and one ball on one side and just a ball on the other. (Unless you are Lance Armstrong)

Where in the hell are his nuts? Where is his pee pee?

LUKE I LOVE YOU...WHERE IS YOUR PEE PEE????  You must have some teensie nuts, but I still love you.

Actually I love you more as huge nuts are a turn off.

Love,
Katie